We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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