If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
