Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
