I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
