Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Alive.
So much puke
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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