Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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