So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
