The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's a Shit stain on my heart
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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