I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize