her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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