Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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