Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
