is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize