I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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