This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
