no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
