I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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