I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
