Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize