I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
