you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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