Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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