I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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