so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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