The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
