the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
