If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
