and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
