He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
