Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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