If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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