Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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