I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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