It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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