I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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