She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
