Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Life is so much better after having sex.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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