i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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