They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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