I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
