So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
