We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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