TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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