everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
