1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
