My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
