waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
