so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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