today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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