Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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