i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
where are my eyebrows?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
