Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
