he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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