I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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