Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
