The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
