bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
