you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
