I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
nutella sex= disaster
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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