literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
