everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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