you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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