Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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