Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
