Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
