saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
