I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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