Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So vagazzling was a success
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
