I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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