In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
