Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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